Review: Why “Work Bitch” is actually really fucking motivating

Okay. So as far as bubblegum pop goes, Britney is the absolute queen. Katy Perry can have the crown when she’s been around as long as Britney has, and I have no shame in saying that. When I saw a tumblr post (which I can’t fucking find just when I want it, ugh!) a few weeks ago, which was a mock-up tweet from Brit saying “Hold your applause and roars, the queen is coming”,  I chuckled to myself because A) it was clearly photoshopped, but also B) I had pretty low expectations considering every single Britney comeback since Slave 4 U has been disappointing. But I was excited when the countdown began, hoping this would be the comeback to end John Farnham’s career once and for all. Surprisingly, I was not disappointed.

Being a dancer from way back, I can appreciate the worst kind of music if I can move my body to it. That’s actually pretty broad, I take it back. But I think you get the gist. Some of the trashiest pop music of all time is so so much fun to dance to, and just get a bit lost in. So when the beat for Work Bitch kicked in, I kinda lost my shit because it’s one of the best dance beats I’ve heard in pop music this year. As you can imagine, I spent a fair bit of time dancing around my room and not paying too much attention to the lyrics, and I loved it. I can’t help but want to move when it comes on, even in the car I’ll Willow Smith in the tiny amount of room that’s granted me! I’ve been (so far) hard-pressed to find someone who disagrees – although I’m sure I will in a few minutes…

Then it got to a point where I couldn’t help but hear the lyrics. Though she’s talking some pretty materialistic shit (welcome to the new millenium), Britney’s actually kinda nailed it. I couldn’t care less about the mansions or lambourginis, but I wouldn’t mind looking hot in a bikini. Thanks for reminding me Brit. Also, thanks for the body goals; would you just take a second to appreciate this magic:

You can’t tell me she’s not worked her ass off to get into that shape. Sure, she can’t dance nearly as well as she used to, but at least she looks good doing it, dayyyyyum. Her face! Are you serious? She looks just like she did back in 2005, and that’s saying something (thank you botox, probably.) Anyway, enough body-love.

Now one thing that pretty much kills me about Brit’s new music is this weird British accent she’s adopted. Someone told me Will.I.Am is the mastermind behind it, and I really just want to punch him in the face. I, for the life of me, have not been able to figure out what the motivation behind this was, and it honestly still baffles me. The second pre-chorus in particular is the killer: Go call the po-lice, go call the guv-a-nah. I bring tha trubble, don’t mean to trubble ya. Sorry what? It’s laughably bad, and OH DON’T YOU WORRY, I laughed, and laughed good. What I take away from it though is that she’s obviously having fun with her career, and let’s be real, who hasn’t put on a fake accent for a day at some point? Hilarity ensues. It’s all in good fun. Right? RIGHT?

So the lyrics are pretty useless in terms of kickstarting the motivator motor. That is, until you get to the chorus:

You want a hot body? You want a Bugatti?  You want a Maserati? You better work bitch.
You want a Lamborghini?  Sip on martinis? Look hot in a bikini? You better work bitch.
You wanna live fancy? Live in a big mansion? Party in France? You better work bitch.

And maybe you don’t want the materialistic bullshit Britney mentions, but substitute the Maserati for a pack of smarties or a Gatsby party, and you’ve got a fucking inspirational song. You want something? Fucking work for it. Don’t expect it to come your way because you said so, get off your ass and do something about it.

I don’t care who you are, determination to achieve your goals is universally admirable, and that Britney has taken it and put it into a pop song that makes me wanna dance AND get a hot body for summer? Shiiiiiiiiit sahhhhhhn, you better believe this is my alarm tone in the mornings.

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2 thoughts on “Review: Why “Work Bitch” is actually really fucking motivating

    • staceyclair says:

      Well yeah, but let’s be real, she could have been practically naked the whole time, and she’s wearing trousers! I think she’s done pretty well in terms of “modesty” in the current video-girl climate.

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