Yes. This will eventually contain spoilers. Enjoy.
- I think I’m going to really fuckin’ hate those little yellow guys
- OMG KRISTEN WIIG IS IN IT YAAAAS
- Why am I listening to Sweet Home Alabama?
- Oh god there are hillbillies and a kid on a leash.
- THE FAT HILLBILLY IS KENNETH YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSS
- Okay dumbass kid why are you being a dumbass. THERE’S NO MORE RAMP YOU FUCKING IDIOT
- omg the pyramid is made of bouncy castle. THE PYRAMID DOESN’T EXIST GUYS
- HAHAHAHA the coif on the newsreader is perfect
- Wow this villain is fucked up. Why would you go to the trouble of making a balloon puppy just to pop it?
- Okay why is pharrell singing this terrible hip hop track?
- THE VILLAIN IS STEVE CARRELL THIS IS GREAT
- Omg what’s with that weird dog thing he owns?
- I love Agnes and I want one. Gimme.
- Wait okay, so is this film about how much more evil this guy can get? Am I genuinely watching a Pixar film about getting more evil?
- Whoop here are the minions. Okay they’re sort of stupid and cute. I hate them but I don’t
- THERE ARE SO MANY MINIONS OMG
- Aaaaaahahaahhaah Steve Carrell’s accent is so weird
- THEY STOLE THE JUMBOTRON HAHAHAHA
- Okay so he’s the worst supervillain ever, got it.
- WHY ARE HIS LEGS HALF THE SIZE OF HIS BODY
- Holy shit those minions are loaded with weapons.
- STOP RUINING SHIT DAVE OMG
- Why in the fucking world would you want to steal the moon? How does this guy plan to do that? Is this a serious business plan?
- Okay Russell Brand shoosh weird grandpa man
- Ermergerrrrrrddddd the adorable little girls are back! Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww they’re foster kids! OMGGG SO CUUUUUUUTEEEEEE
- Ahahahaha Kristen Wiig yaaaaaaaaaaassssssss
- Omg Miss Hattie is already a worse villain than Steve Carrell, she’s like the Trunchbull with her own Chokey
- HE’S CALLING HIS MOTHER ABOUT THE MISSION AND SHE’S DOING MARTIAL ARTS CLASSES I AM SO INVESTED IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP RIGHT NOW
- WHy is the bank hidden in the men’s bathroom?
- Um okay pillars of the bank, pretty sure the Ministry of Magic had humans “in their rightful place” before y’all did
- AHAHAHA THE GIRL FROM IMPANEMAÂ music supervisor you win
- Ohhhhhh his baby face when he couldn’t go to the moon 😦
- Oh my god who is this guy in the orange
- JASON SEGEL
- Okay I hate this guy. Victor or something. Stop. Stop everything. Stop talking.
- Piranha gun. Stop it.
- Okay so is the bank manager the devil or is his hair just coincidentally in the shape of mini horns?
- OMG VICTOR STOLE THE PYRAMID
- Hahahhaha good call on freezing his head Steve Carrell. Best move you’ve made since this started.
- That poor elephant 😦 don’t use the shrink ray on him!
- Lol the shrinking process looked exactly like when Genie turns into an elephant in Aladdin bye
- omfg the minions are stealing the shrink ray hahahaha they’re so stupid hahaha
- SOMEONE ELSE IS STEALING THE SHRINK RAY
- God damn it Victor
- FUck this guy seriously
- Why don’t I know the name of Steve Carrell’s character yet?
- Oh okay forty-seven million missiles in your tiny jet yeah no worries
- THEY”RE TURNING TINY YES I CAN’T WAIT
- Oh wait, it was just the jet that turned tiny that’s less fun
- I feel like the reason I want children is because of cute as shit animated kids like Agnes. I can’t quantify how cute she is and how much I love her.
- Oh it’s Vector not Victor, whoops. Thanks subtitle for sorting my life out for me.
- HAHAHAHAH WHY IS HE DRESSED IN JAMAICAN GEAR?
- Okaaaayyyyyyyy so you can just never get into Vector’s lair. Ever. That’s going to make life interesting
- Also how is Steve Carrell still alive when a shark ate him?
- OMG THE GIRLS ARE TRYING TO GET INTO VECTOR’S STOP DON’T GET KILLED I LOVE YOU
- The secret password is selling cookies. Vector is all of us.
- “I’m going to need a dozen mini robots disguised as cookies” that’s so fucking stupid hahaha okay so I get it now I love him he gets my brain
- HAHAHAH Minion fights are my favourite thing ever
- “My heart is a tooth that has a cavity” what
- “-_- do i look. like i speak spanish?” ahahahahaha
- omg he’s adopting the girls. stop it. don’t hurt them. STOP IT
- AGNES IS THE BEST I’M GOING TO KEEP SAYING IT FOR THIS WHOLE TIME I LOVE HER
- Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww she loves him first and I can’t deal with this
- Okay so it’s Margot, Edith and Agnes. Great names!
- Okay this Vector dude is doing shit I would expect Jason Segel to do in real life.
- Why did he shrink the toilet? That’s going to be so unpleasant when he needs to use it.
- ermergerd Steve Carrell’s house has a spiral staircase
- AWW SHE WANTED TO HOLD HIS HAND STEVE CARRELL YOU MONSTER
- “When we got adopted by a bald guy, I thought this would be more like Annie” hahahahaha Edith, you’re okay
- The dog’s name is Kyle? THat is so weirdly boring
- omg the spike cupboard WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE A CHOKEY
- “Does this count as annoying? *pats on cheeks for amazing popping sound*” I LOVE HER I LOVE HER SO MUCH THIS IS THE BEST
- He filled a dog bowl with candy for them to eat what why
- HAHAHA RUSSELL BRAND GRANPDA BUILT THE FUCKING COOKIE ROBOTS THIS IS THE BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEST
- omg the girls found the lair thing
- why are the minions floating
- why did he built a fart gun
- this guy is so stupid how is he a scientist
- Ahahahaha Edith is so sassy YUS
- WHY DID HE OBLITERATE THE UNICORN WHY DID HE DO THAT
- omg why is she holding her breath stop it you’re gonna die Agnes
- OMG SHE PASSED OUT THAT IS SOME SERIOUS SHIT
- the minions are gonna fuck up getting a new unicorn toy fo sho
- sweet jesus they’re in costume as a human family
- Karaoke minions are officially my favourite holy shit
- OH THE MINIONS ARE PLAYING WITH THE GIRLS <333333333
- the beds are hung on the wall i don’t understand and now i feel inferior because my bed is on the stupid floor like normal beds
- omg they made her a unicorn out of a dishwashing brush fuck the fuck off that is too sweet i’m going to vomit tears
- Margot yaaaas bitch yaaaas you tell Steve Carrell you go to that dance recital!
- Is his name Gru? Cru? Glue? What?
- AGNES GOT HIM A TICKET TO THE RECITAL I FUCKING HATE THIS MOVIE SHE IS SO PERFECT
- Vector is such an idiot for those coconut cookies THEY’RE ROBOTS YOU STUPID GUY
- “why are you wearing pyjamas?” she’s so innocent omg
- “What are you warming up for?” “something super cool” “like sleeping?” “THEY ARE NOT PYJAMAS” favourite conversation so far
- Okay he just ate a cookie robot and saw wires coming from it and shrugged. what kind of supervillain is that fuckin’ stupid?
- the fact that he has a shark swimming beneath his feet in the living room is just berserk like are you not afraid it will eat your legs you stupid idiot?
- Oh wait there’s a glass thing over the top of it. That makes way more sense ALTHOUGH IS FUCKING TERRIFYING STILL OKAY
- Steve Carrell is wearing minion boxers shorts. I feel weird.
- Margot, y’all aren’t really selling cookies, stop being dumb
- HAHAHAHA they’re squealing over an amusement park. COME ON CARRELL GO TO THE PARK GO ONNNNN
- omg he has to go on the ride aaahahaha
- “HE’S SO FLUFFY I’M GONNA DIE” she is every single one of us when we see something we want
- she hit the target how come she lost?!
- oh that’s so stupid SHE HIT THE TARGET KENNETH YOU OWE HER THE UNICORN GOD DAMN
- Also Steve Carrell totally loves these kids
- sweet jesus he got face painted like a bunny this is the best
- omg his name really is Gru… also why
- “Oooooooh stuffed crust!”
- omg Agnes giggling and calling Gru funny. Stop it. My heart. oh god.
- Satan bank manager hates everything and needs to do something about his ridic hair
- Baby Gru is so so cute, and I hate his mother 5eva
- Satan crushed an apple before ending the skype sesh. Okay.
- Gru’s speech to the minions is actually sort of sad? They have to make resumes hahahaha
- oh my god
- the girls are giving him their money
- i cannot
- stop
- help
- i’m dying
- omg now the minions are giving money and stolen jewels
- why do i love this
- this is so stupid
- ohhhhkaaayyyyy *cue Bruno Mars song + montage*
- GRU’S MUM WITH THE GIRLS
- omg rocket fired marshmallows great idea
- HAHAHA KYLE THE DOG IS PINK ooooooops
- GAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSPPPPPPPPP VECTOR IS THE SATAN BANK MANAGER’S SON THINGS MAKE SENSE
- I still don’t get why they need to steal the moon?
- please tell me he’s going to read the bedtime story now please do it
- YES GRU YES READ IT
- oh my fuck it’s a puppet story i can’t
- jesus the story is about them help i cannot deal help someone send help
- they’re all sleeping on him I am so done
- omg don’t push your luck Agnes, he just read to you, he won’t kiss you goodnight straightaway
- THEY DREW ON THE FAMILY TREE WHY IS THIS MOVIE DETERMINED TO HURT EVERYTHING INSIDE ME
- okay the minions are photocopying their own butts and I don’t know how this is funny but it is
- he’s teaching the girls how to have a courteous tea party gtfo
- WHY IS RUSSELL BRAND GETTING THE GIRLS TAKEN AWAY WHAT IS THIS FRESH HELL I AM SO MAD
- okay my heart just shattered into fifty bajillion pieces
- FUCK OFF RUSSELL BRAND GRANDPA YOU ARE AWFUL
- omg the minions crying is all of us right now
- STOP SCRUBBING THE FAMILY TREE OFF NO THEY ARE NOT GONE FOREVER STOP
- ahahahaha his space suit is pink i hope you’re happy Gru y’asshole
- THE RECITAL IS ON YOU DICK YOU HAVE TO GO
- if he doesn’t go i will hate everything
- enjoy space you monster i hope you get George Clooney’d out there
- that was a Gravity reference btw
- how have you not seen Gravity? go see it jesus
- you’re in space Gru, now what huh?
- um. gru. how do you expect to get back to the spaceship without a tether? NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON WOULD HAVE A FIT WATCHING THIS
- oh well done on shrinking the moon you idiot
- THE TICKET GET THE TICKET DON’T LET THE TICKET GET GEORGE CLOONEY’D
- omg. the shrinking thing only works for a little while???
- OH AGNES DON’T LOOK SO SAD I CANNOT
- wait so now the moon is going to expand back on earth? are we all going to die or what?
- omg they’re so cute in their little tutus
- yeah cool Gru just fuck up the entire city to get to the recital late i hate you
- VECTOR HAS THE GIRLS NO
- “Zip it happy meal” is now my favourite thing ever to say to children and i plan on using it every day
- um Gru just ninja’d the shit out of those missiles and punched a shark. badass parental instincts tho
- OMG THE MOON IS GETTING BIGGER VECTOR YOU’RE AN IDIOT
- yes girls jump! JUMP JUMP HE’LL CATCH YOU HE WILL HE’S YOUR DAD HE WILL CATCH YOU THEY ALWAYS DO
- SHIT NOW I”M CRYING FOR REALS
- Come on Margot jump gurlfrand!
- oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit VECTOR WHAT THE FUCK
- is gru for reals tightrope walking right now?
- omg SEE HE CAUGHT YOU MARGOT IT’S OKAY
- okay i’m sorry but how did the moon expand back to its place in the universe rather than crushing earth into a million smithereens?
- omg he’s reading them a bedtime story voluntarily
- he wrote them a story
- about unicorns
- with puppets
- and his nose is the unicorn horn
- fuck off
- fuck everything right now
- the unicorn is gru
- the three kittens are the girls
- help
- my heart
- my eyes
- this is the worst
- and the best
- and i hate pixar
- HE KISSED THEM GOODNIGHT I AM DONE WITH EVERYTHING STOP IT
- HE SAID I LOVE YOU I AM WEEPING
- Aaaaahahahah he has to kiss the minions that’s so great
- THEY’RE PUTTING ON THEIR OWN RECITAL HELP ME JESUS GOD WHAT HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THIS GETS CRY-I-ER
- ahahahah thanks god for that minion, i need some feel good dance scenes
- dance Gru dance
- OMG YAAAASSSSSS GET IT GRU GET ITTTTT
- Okay that was better than I expected. And also JT as credits roll? Mmkay I’m down.
Well done Pixar. Well done. Have 8 Coconutties because THOSE FEELS.
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