Review: Uptown Funk is kind of junk

Okay so Mark Ronson’s last album Record Collection gave the world some pretty solid tracks, and cemented him as one of our generations’ favourite producers. I’ve quite enjoyed Ronson’s work over the years, beginning with his collab to cover The Smiths’ Stop Me If You Think You’ve Heard This One Before with Daniel Merriweather (who is also great so yay!) so I was excited to hear his latest LP offering Uptown Funk.

I listened to this album for the first time at work, so decided to take quick notes to flesh out later on. After reading them back, I’ve decided to keep them as is, because A) the initial reactions are hilarious (*unbiased opinion) and B) I don’t think very differently on my second listen. So please enjoy a track by track breakdown of Uptown Funk.

1. Uptown’s First Finale: Slow interlude to start with + harmonica + Stevie Wonder. Okay. There’s also something about Vegas? Right. I don’t care, this is boring, but is potentially giving me a clue to the rest of the tempo of the album… :\

2. Summer Breaking: This is weird lounge jazz. Hits its stride in the chorus though… not bad.

3. Feel Right kind of sounds like James Brown if he was an aggressive rapper who liked to swear and talk about his dick a lot?

4. Uptown Funk is the breakout baby of this album, but as I thought the first time I heard this song: the lyrics are kind of crap. A friend of mine sent me the video clip and called Bruno Mars this generation’s MJ, which, while horrifying, I have to sort of agree with after seeing said clip. Damn. Anyway. Everyone apparently loves this song, and while I don’t hate it, it’s certainly not something I want to hear very often.

5. I Can’t Lose: Super funky, can jam along to it easily. Sounds like Azealia Banks though? Lol. Or an old school Janet Jackson song? WHY ARE THERE JACKSONS EVERYWHERE ON THIS ALBUM.

6. Daffodils: More of the same god damn funk basslines! Cool vocal though. I get the feeling this album will be a staple in hipster coffee shops throughout Melbourne.

7. Crack in The Pearl: Okay so now I get the distinct feeling that Ronson is aiming to recreate the lounge album MJ never got to? Also he never got to it for a reason. This album is pretty unfortunate.

Yeah I think I’d prefer to listen to the greats than this hugely derivative thing.


8. In Case of Fire sounds like the 80s.

9. Leaving Los Feliz is officially me giving up on Ronnie’s latest. Soz guy, this train requires more than one upbeat track to keep me interested. SKIP.

10. Heavy and Rolling sounds like the song I should have heard at #7 to keep momentum slowing. Too little, too late for this jam.

11. Crack in The Pearl, Pt. II (featuring Stevie Wonder again) brings back that harmonica, and some cool harmonies to accompany. But it doesn’t bring me around.

In all, this album is a total and utter snoozefest.
Ronson can have like, 3.5 Bike Songs and a slap in the face from Morrissey. BYE.


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